A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
