just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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