just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
