Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
