I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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