He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
