this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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