She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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