New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
