She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
