you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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