My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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