i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Randomize
