Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
