I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
