The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
