i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's blow job season.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
