So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
