I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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