genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
