first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize