Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
