so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
