sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize