Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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