Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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