No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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