8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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