I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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