Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
