it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
