Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
