Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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