If i come over, it means nothing
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize