i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize