By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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