I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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