whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
