yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
