Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize