No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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