Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
