i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
