I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
