You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
