We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
