i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize