hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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