I want to make a zoo with you.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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