And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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