You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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