I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
