Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
