you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
