She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
