I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize