I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
