Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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