it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
