ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
