He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
