So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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