found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
