Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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