This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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