You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
