By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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