Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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