TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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