Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
