were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
