We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
