brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
