I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize