I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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