yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
