So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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