Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
