She is in my trunk
he shaved USA in his pubs
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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