I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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