return my video game
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize