He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
