Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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