Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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