Nicole vs. Life
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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