I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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