why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
