That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
