She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
