Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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