you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
