i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
